Whoever said laughter is the best medicine, clearly hasn’t tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.

“I got an F in arithmetic.”

Boy: “I got an F in arithmetic.” Father: “Why?” Boy: “The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ and I said ‘6’” Father: “But that’s right!” Boy: “Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?'” Father: “What’s the fucking difference?” Boy: “That’s exactly what I said!”

Two statues, a man and woman, had stood watch in a park for along time.

One day, an angel came down and told the statues, “You two have stood watch in this park for so long and have been such exemplary statues, as a reward, I will snap my fingers, and you two will come to life for 30 minutes.” The angel snapped his fingers, and the two statues blinked to life.”What do we do now?” Asked the female statue.”You can do whatever you want for the next 30 minutes.”The male statue looked at the woman and smiled, the woman looked coyly at the man, they took hands and walked into the bushes. The angel sat on a bench and could hear giggling and rustling sounds coming from the bushes.After about 15 minutes, they came out with very satisfied looks on their faces. The angel checked his watch and said, “you’ve still got about 15 minutes.”The woman’s eyes brightened, and she looked excitedly at her male partner.”That’s fantastic! This time, you hold the pigeon down and I’ll shit on his head!”

Should English be the only official language of the EU?

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Human statue street performers can be made to move by taking money out of the hat.

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds like fun if you don’t know what either of those things are.